March 19, 1883

On March 19, 1883, Jan Matzeliger of Lynn, Massachusetts invented the first machine that manufactured entire shoes. This invention did two things. First, it made shoes much more affordable for the common man. Second, it put shoe making gnomes right out of business. Quamorra Leathertack of the International Brotherhood of Gnomist Machinists and Leatherworkers was quoted as saying, “This is the worst thing to happen to gnome shoemakers since that dummkopf and his ehefrau made clothes for those three gut für nichts in 1805. This is terrible. We’re going to have to retrain a whole class of gnome to different work. I just hope Santa has room in his workshop. It’s a good thing he went union back in 1877.”

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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