October 7, 3761 BCE

On October 7, 3761 BCE, the modern Hebrew calendar began. According to their mythology, Yahweh, created the world on that date. From January 1, 3761 BCE to October 6, 3761 BCE, he just thought about it. If Yahweh had been married, like to someone, let’s just give her a name, Asherah, maybe? He wouldn’t have wasted those previous nine months, because the little woman would have given him a ‘To Do List’ and made sure he did it. The modern Hebrew calendar, created by a manly god nine months late, because he was getting around to it.

I always heard the God of your Abrahamic religions was a bachelor, so maybe he spent those nine months playing Xbox. Of course, he also had a son and hung out with a ghost, which kind of sounds like the plot of a sitcom. Share Twisted-History to pitch it to a network.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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