March 28, 845

On March 28, 845 CE, 5,000 Danish Viking went on Spring Break and occupied Paris, France. They partied like only a Viking can. They pillaged, they rampaged and they performed a little sexual assault against women, men, and the occasional attractive farm animal. In other words, they treated 845 Paris like college kids have treated Panama City since 1985. The Vikings were drunk, disorderly and armed to the teeth and were led by the rowdy Rampaging Ragnar. King Charles the Bald, the Frankish king finally had enough after the Danes attacked the Abbey of Saint Germain when they went looking for more alcohol to drink. Chuck, of the follically-challenged, was getting really tired of the Danes shenanigans, but when an outbreak of the Plague didn’t even dent their enthusiasm for pillaging, he decided to get serious. He paid them to go home. Which they did.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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One Response to March 28, 845

  1. Justin Uther Dumas says:

    Quit trying to harsh our joy, brah! I know what you’re doing with your fake “history”. When you say “Vikings”, I know you mean us spring breakers, and when you say “the Plague”, I know you really mean the Hoaxona virus, and when you say “sexual assault”, have you seen how they’re practically begging for it down here? We all know “no” means “try harder”, am I right!

    We’ve all been looking forward to spring break all year, and it’s gonna take a lot more than this hyped up political hoax virus to keep us from getting our party on! The flu kills people too, but you don’t hear the “media” and the fake ass “scientists” saying anything about that! The people who really know the score say this thing’s about to blow over and we all need to get back out there to save the country. So, we’re just doing our part down here in Florida, hanging out on the beach with a bunch of friends, having some suds, and making time with some lucky ladies. You feel me, right bro?

    You bunch of chicken littles can hide in your panic bunkers or whatever, but I’m gonna keep on partying. But hey, if somebody wants to pay me to go home, like that bald dude in your story? I’ll take it! I probably won’t go home though, but don’t tell him that.


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