March 15, 1493

On March 15, 1493, Columbus returned to Spain after his first voyage to the New World. When he met with King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, they eagerly asked if he had brought them gold and spices, like the explorers who went East toward Asia. Columbus said no, but he did get them personalized keychains for their royal frigates. They were unimpressed. Columbus then gave them salt and pepper shakers adorned with seashells. Ferdinand and Isabella gave him the stink-eye for that gift. He then broke out the T-shirts that said, “Columbus went to the New World and All I got was this Lousy T-shirt.” Isabella glared at Columbus and said, “If this is it, you’re in big trouble, mister.” Columbus then hurriedly brought in the turkeys, pineapples, tobacco, and slaves. Ferdinand and Isabella perked up and said, “That’s what we’re talking about. Here’s some more money to go back. Bring us back more of this tobacco and slaves, and this time, find us some gold.” Which he did.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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