March 10, 241 BCE

On March 10, 241 BCE, the Romans won the first Punic War by sinking the Carthaginian fleet. Quintus Valerius Falto, the Roman commander watched the final Carthaginian ship sink beneath the Mediterranean waves as he tried to think of a pun or quote to seal the glorious moment. He considered saying, “I’ll be back”, but it sounded stupid and too Visigoth for the occasion, especially since he wasn’t coming back. He also tried, “You’re a funny guy, Hanno. That’s why I’ll kill you last.” But he didn’t. He didn’t kill the Carthaginian commander at all. Hanno lived. He even tried, “Whose your daddy?” but that felt very uncomfortable and creepy, so he just left and decided to go home and sleep on it. He knew that being the winner, if he thought of a good quote later, he’d just claim he said it right after winning. Unfortunately, he never did. He died without ever thinking of a suitable quote after winning the First Punic War. He died ‘quote’-less. It was ‘quote’ the accomplishment. YOU try thinking of puns and word-play on the word quote. It’s hard, and you can quote me on that.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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