July 17, 1955

On July 17th, 1955 – Disneyland opened its doors in rural Orange County and Walt Disney was finally able to harness the power of children’s laughter and wonder to summon the “Great Old Ones” and bind them to his will and force them to obey his commands. The first death attributed to Disney and his enslaved “Ancient Ones” was James Dean’s in September 1955 after he refused the lead role in ‘Westward Ho, The Wagons!’ On September 30th, 1955 when Arcturus was barely visible in the approaching dusk of the California sky, Disney sent Lliogor, the Winged Obscenity, to exact his revenge upon the movie star, which it did by forcing his Porsche Spyder off the road. When Fess Parker learned of Dean’s death, he immediately called Disney and said that he’d changed his mind ant he’d be happy to act in ‘Westward Ho, The Wagons!’ and that he and his agent were joking about signing with MGM studios. Two days later Parker’s agent disappeared and he was assigned a Disney approved agent, Stan Dagonberg, and Disney’s grip on Hollywood tightened even more.

Disney’s tyrannical hold on America’s youth would have continued for decades and the Cthulhian spells and symbolisms inserted in all the cartoons and movies would have dragged America, drooling and zombiefied, to a watery grave where the ones blessed by Hastur would be the first to die, except for the heroic actions of one brave man, Dr. Seuss. The world’s greatest sorceror, Dr. Seuss utilized his arcane knowledge of magic and rhyming schemes to creep into Disney’s Burbank Fortress of Doom on December 15, 1966. There he fought his way past the Draconian ducks, the three-headed Plutonian wolves of Gitorr, and Disney’s black-hearted familiar, Mortimus, a rat-like creature of Shub-Niggurath. In the final battle, the good Doctor was able to summon the Vishanti and was gifted with the flaming sword Dyrwyn which blazed righteous fire as he used it to sever Disney’s head from his black-hearted body.

Roy Disney, Walt’s brother, was able to secure the severed head and used his sorcerous powers to escape from the now wounded and exhausted Dr. Seuss. He traveled by Disney Blimp to Orlando Florida where he met with the Disney techno-mages and there they cast multitudes of onerous and soul-leeching spells to fasten Walt’s soul to his head so that he would be a witness when Cthulhu rises from the watery deep to devour the world. Which explains why there is now a Disney World in Florida; they need the power of children’s laughter and joy to keep Disney’s evil severed head alive.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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