January 30, 1661

Posted on January 30, 2019 by Joel Byers

On January 30, 1661, England executed Oliver Cromwell, former Lord Protector and Ruler of the Commonwealth of England for regicide. The common people of England didn’t really care that he had Charles I executed on January 30, 1649, twelve years earlier, it was because he had been a Puritan and when he took over the rule of England, he outlawed everything that was fun. I mean EVERY THING. No drinking, no singing, no laughing, no sports, no swearing, no fornication and no Catholics. Everyone, except for the Catholics, was okay with the last one, but the first six were pretty hard to take for the ten years of his rule. He expected that between birth and death, everyone was to just work hard and think about how great God was. There was to be no fun in between. In fact, if a man was to have sex with his wife, he was to perform his duties on Thursday night from 8:15 to 8:30 and be asleep by 8:35. There were to be no feathers, honey or hedgehogs involved. SO, after Cromwell’s death on September 3, 1658 and Charles II, Charles I’s son, was invited back to England to be their monarch, everyone but the Puritans rejoiced. Drinking and fornication happened. People laughed and even played sports again. So when Charles II had Cromwell dug up and executed. Wait. That’s right. THEY DUG HIM UP. He had been dead for almost three years and they still dug his dead ass up just so they could cut his head off for regicide. And making it illegal to play football and have a moderate tipple at the local pub. The common people were pretty happy to see old Crommie get his neck shortened, and they probably wished he could have felt it, as his rule had made everyone miserable.

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About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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One Response to January 30, 1661

  1. Drunk Commenter says:
    January 30, 2019 at 4:48 am

    It just go to show you. Band drink ing and get you kill! No laughing too? So not wisting historiy too, or at leas not the funny ones! loll I’m kiddding their all funny.

    Did they really dig yp the dead gusy to kill him again or was that part yoou twists? If its part tue it to funny. Takeaway are booze wee kill you TWICE! I gues peoplw who did probabitiiion lucky no body die from doing it.

    Mortal of a story. Don touch my beer! LLO

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