November 13, 1956

On November 13, 1956, the US Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial segregation on public buses. They refused to rule on religious segregation as the Baptists were going to sit in the back anyway, while the Catholics would be upfront and the Episcopalians would claim the middle.

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November 12, 1964

On November 12, 1964, American Paula Murphy set the women’s land speed record of 226.37 mph. Her kids said that if you think she was fast then, you should see her move when they back-sass her. They said it was like she teleports from any room in the house to holding the back of your shirt while slapping you with a flipflop. They say what’s really strange is why she hits you with a flipflop, since nobody in the Murphy household even owns a pair.

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November 11, 1998

On November 11, 1998, professional stupid Canadian Jay Cochrane set the record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. A ‘skywalk’ is walking a tightrope between two buildings. Jay Cochrane put one foot in front of the other on a tightrope between the towers of the Flamingo Hilton Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. He was 30 stories above the ground and walked 800 feet from building to building, while blindfolded. He was 300 feet above the ground and did the stunt while blindfolded. Birds that were flying around him were heard to wonder in disbelief. They couldn’t believe that he was doing it, much less blindfolded. There must have been some real good poutine and hot Tim Horton’s coffee on the other side.

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November 10, 1969

On November 10, 1969, “Sesame Street” premiered on PBS TV. Automatonophobia reared its ugly head and the rational fear of Muppets was created in a generation of children. When children would go to bed and ask their parents, “Will Kermit eat my soul when I close my eyes and go to sleep?” Their parents had to reluctantly say, “Yes. Yes, the bastard offspring of Cthulhu will eat your soul unless you learn your ABCs and how to draw a protective pentagram around your bed each night.”

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November 9, 2017

On November 9, 2017, Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore was accused of sexual misconduct with teenage girls in a ‘Washington Post’ report when he was in his 30s. This is the same Roy Moore who tried to put a huge stone monument of the Ten Commandments on the grounds of the Alabama Supreme Court building, because he believed that his version of Christianity was more important than the secular law. When asked about his trying to date and have sex with 17 and 18 year old girls when he was in his 30s, he said he wasn’t married at the time and his God let David and Solomon get away with it.

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November 8, 2011

On November 8, 2011, asteroid 2005 YU55 passed within 0.85 lunar distances of the Earth. This was approximately 201,700 miles. It passed between the Moon and the Earth. If it had taken a left turn at Albuquerque, the Mayan prediction for the world ending in 2012 could have happened a year early. Except it didn’t and we’re still here and the Mayans were wrong about 2012 just as the Millerites were wrong about 1844.

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November 7, 1991

On November 7, 1991, actor Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman, pled no contest to charges of animal cruelty. Mr. Reubens had been arrested in Sarasota, Florida for spanking his monkey in an adult movie theater. The monkey was told that they were going to see a Jane Goodall documentary, but instead it was an adult film called “You Tarzan, Me Jane, and is that a monkey in your hand or are you just glad to see me.” Wait. What? Paul Reubens was arrested for exposure and he pled no contest to charges of indecent exposure? Spanking the monkey is a euphemism and there was no real monkey involved? Well, that changes everything. I guess Chim-Chim the talking chimpanzee didn’t really need to call the ASPCA.

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November 6, 1966

On November 6, 1966, NBC became the first television network to televise its entire lineup in color. Huge swaths of the Midwest rejoiced as that part of the US wasn’t expecting to become colorized until late 1969. Teenagers exclaimed at how bright and vibrant the colors were, while their grandparents griped. They said that if sepia was good enough for Joan Crawford, Gary Cooper, and a young John Wayne, it should be good enough for Doris Day, Rock Hudson and an old John Wayne. They then yelled “Git offin my lawn!” and threatened to tar and feather them there whippersnappers.

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November 5, 1974

On November 5, 1974, Ella T. Grasso was elected governor of Connecticut. She was the first woman in the United States to be ‘elected’ as a governor. The other women who had served as governors did so after their husbands had died while in office. Mr. Grasso was very relieved to buck that trend.

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November 4, 1646

On November 4, 1646, the Massachusetts Bay Colony (which was to later become the state of Massachusetts) passed a law that made it illegal to deny that the Christian Bible was the word of God. The penalty was death. There is nothing funny about this. It shows why every religion should be denied a foothold in forming the laws and regulations of a government. They’ll institutionalize those beliefs and make it a crime to question those religious beliefs.

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