June 19, 240 BCE

On June 19, 240 BCE Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth using a well in Syene and a stick at Alexandria and some simple geometry. He’d previously noted that on the summer solstice, in a well at Syene, you could see the reflection of the sun at noon. The well was sufficiently deep enough for the full reflection to be only seen on this day. On June 19, 240 BCE, which was the summer solstice, which was almost due north of Syene, at precisely noon, he had a person measure the shadow from the stick at Alexandria, because he hypothesized that the earth was round and that the sun’s rays all struck the earth at parallel lines (because even the scientists in 240 BCE had come to the conclusion that it was many, many, many times bigger than earth), and found that that the stick cast a shadow at 7 degrees. Eratosthenes had already had a person measure the distance from Synene to Alexandria and they got a value that was approximated 920 km (570 miles). Since he now knew that 920 km equaled 7 degrees, 1 degree would equal 134.42 km (83 miles). Since a circle is equal to 360 degrees, then the world’s circumference was approximately 47,300 km (29,400 miles). Current measurements with much more accurate ways to measure distance currently measure the earth’s circumference at 40,800 km (25,400 miles). For calculating the circumference using just a stick, a well, and a man measuring the distance by ‘walking it’ in 240 BCE, that was damn close. If the earth was truly flat, as some idiots today are saying, the stick in Alexandria at middle-day wouldn’t have cast a shadow.

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June 18, 1861

On June 18, 1861 the first American fly-casting tournament was held in Utica, NY. Stranded southern businessman, Gaston Guidry, formerly of Thibadaux, Louisiana, was disqualified when he started fly-fishing with dynamite. Mr. Guidry was quoted as saying, “If you’re not willing to cheat, you’re not really trying, are you.”

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June 17, 1462

On June 17, 1462, Vlad Dracula, also known as the Impaler, attacked and tried to assassinate the Ottoman Sultan, Mehmed the Conqueror. He failed and retreated from his country of Wallachia to Hungary, where Matthias Corvinus, the Hungarian king had him imprisoned. Contrary to popular opinion, Vlad was not a vampire at the time and he wasn’t leading an army of vampires against the werewolf army of Mehmed the Conqueror. Although if he had been a vampire, the werewolves would have kicked his ass.

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June 16, 1980

On June 16, 1980, the US Supreme Court ruled that new forms of life created in labs could be patented. The specific case brought before the US Supreme Court involved a genetically-engineered bacterium that was capable of breaking down crude oil, something no naturally occurring bacteria could do. This has paved the way for future, more complex organism to be lab created that does not occur naturally. Such as a Nobel Prize winning physicist that is also a Creationist or a Flat Earther that can actually build a rocket that can escape Earth’s density and fly to the Moon. Yes, I know I said density. Flat Earthers don’t believe in gravity.

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June 15, 1907

On June 15, 1907 researcher, George Soper, published the results of his investigation in the typhoid outbreaks in the New York area. He announced that Mary Mallon, a cook, was the likely source. It very rapidly became clear that Ms. Mallon was a carrier of the disease and became known as Typhoid Mary. Anti-vaxxers years later protested the harsh treatment of Mary; especially not allowing her to work as a cook for families where she could spread the disease and eventually forcing her to live in a hospital away from others so she couldn’t infect and kill them. The anti-vaxxers claimed that Big Pharma at the time lied and that Typhoid could be easily cured with some essential oils and thoughts and prayers.

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June 14, 1949

On June 14, 1949, Albert II, a rhesus monkey, rode a V-2 rocket to an altitude of 83 miles, becoming the first ‘MONKEY IN SPACE’. Albert II asked what happened to Albert I, a year earlier. NASA informed him that Albert I successfully rode his V-2 rocket up to 39 miles high, but he unfortunately died from suffocation. Albert II said, “WHAT?!” NASA reassured him that they’d fixed the air problem, and they did. Albert II survived the trip up. Sadly for him, NASA was still having problems with the parachutes, so Albert II died on impact when the rocket crashed back into the Earth. Albert III died when his V-2 rocket exploded at 35,000 feet. Albert 4 tried to claim his name was Steve, but NASA had thought he’d might try to do that, so they’d already sewed his name on his jumper. Albert 4 died when his V-2 rocket crashed because the parachute didn’t deploy. Albert V died due to parachute failure, also. Albert VI flew his rocket up to 72 miles and survived the landing and became the first monkey to go to space and live. Which he did for two hours, when he then died. It was because Albert VI couldn’t crack a window in the spacecraft and he overheated in the sealed capsule in the hot New Mexico sun while waiting on the recovery team. It’s a shame that New Mexico didn’t have statutes that outlawed pets in hot vehicles back in the 1950s, because Albert VI might have lived.

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June 13, 2013

On June 13, 2013, the US Supreme Court ruled that naturally occurring DNA segments were not patent eligible just because some firm or company or individual had isolated it. Synthetically created DNA segments, on the other hand, were eligible for patents, since they did not occur naturally. Myriad Genetics, a Utah biotech company had discovered and isolated two genes that are highly associated with breast and ovarian cancer and tried to patent its discovery, giving it a 20-year monopoly in the research, diagnostics and treatment of those genes. Myriad Genetics thought they’d found a loophole in how to become fabulously rich at the expense of cancer patients. That was like if someone had a monopoly on medicines that cured or regulated diseases like AIDS, diabetes, or arthritis and was charging prices that were a thousand times the actual costs of the medicine. It’s a good thing something like that can never happen in the United States.

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June 12, 2013

On June 12, 2013, Russia passed a law banning gay propaganda. Vladimir Putin acknowledged that all Russian men wanted to be him, but none of them should want to ‘be’ with him, if you know what he meant. He stated that he knew how sexy he was, as Right Said Fred’s I’m Too Sexy was playing in the background, but all Russian men had to know that his capable love making skills were for women only. That when he allowed photographers to photograph him shirtless while holding two, count them, two, AK-47s, it was just to show the Russian men what a capable leader should look like. Not that he ever wondered what spending a cold Russian winter with Brad Pitt and George Clooney would be like. He then left and watched Ocean’s Eleven for the fourteenth time.

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June 11, 1509

On June 11, 1509 King Henry VIII of England married the first of his six wives, Catherine of Aragon. The reader must understand, this was not a Mormon marriage, as Henry was a Catholic at the time. He was married to each of his wives, one at a time, like God intended. His marriages went like this; Catherine of Aragon, married and divorced. Henry left the Catholic Church and started his own Christian religion just to be able to divorce her and marry the younger Anne Boleyn. Anne Boleyn was married, then divorced and to make sure the divorce took, Henry had her beheaded. He then married Jane Seymour. Jane died naturally after giving birth. Henry then married Anne of Cleves. Six months into the marriage, Henry asked for an annulment, and Anne, being very smart, said HELL YEAH and gave it to him. So she lived. The next wife was Catherine Howard. Instead of a divorce, he just cut her head off. The next wife was Catherine Parr. Henry died before he wore the new off of her and had her head cut off. So you ‘could’ say that Catherine Parr actually won the game of marriage with Henry VIII.

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June 10, 1925

On June 10, 1925, the state of Tennessee adopted a new biology textbook that denied that the Theory of Evolution was real. This happened because the state of Tennessee passed the Butler Act in March 1925 and it forbid public school teachers from denying the Biblical account of mankind’s origin and prohibited the teaching of the evolution of man from the ‘lower’ order of animals. When the Tennessee state representatives were informed that evolution was based upon observable and identifiable facts that others could peer review and then reach the same conclusions, the Tennessee legislators pointed their fingers at the scientists and educated people and shouted “Witches! Satan is among us!” Years later, Texas said hold my beer and required that Creationism be taught as an ‘alternative’ theory to evolution. When the Texas state legislators were informed by scientists and educated individuals that Creationism wasn’t a real scientific theory, they pointed their fingers at those individuals and shouted, “Witches! Satan is among us!” Satan later said that he didn’t need to be among the Tennesseans or Texans at that time. Their stupidity allowed evil to run on autopilot and he could devote his attention to porn, which was the real moneymaker.

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