November 28, 2005

On November 28, 2005 a 22-year-old man named Ronald MacDonald was charged with stealing money from a safe at a Wendy’s fast-food restaurant in Manchester, New Hampshire. Officer Big Mac, the arresting officer, said Wendy Thomas had spied Mr. MacDonald creeping around the restaurant, casing the joint with a couple of suspicious characters before his subsequent arrest. They were able to catch Mr. MacDonald, but Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, the ‘King” of Burger King and Dave Thomas all said to be on the lookout for the Happy Meal Gang and their leaders the Hamburglar, Griddler and Captain Crook. Arby’s and Taco Bell both tried to get the press release to mention them as being important enough to be robbed, but only Taco Bell had a mascot and it was borderline racist, so everyone thought it was a good thing to not mention either of them. Except for Arby’s, they thought that mentioning Taco Bell’s racist mascot was schadenfreude-y and should definitely happen.

If your name is Ronald MacDonald, your parents are pretty much setting you up for a lifetime of fast food jokes, although trying to steal from a Wendy's is on you. Share this post to thank your parents for giving you a better name... except for you, Hamburgler Jones. Your parents are assholes.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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