November 14, 2018

On November 14, 2018, John Allen Chau, an Alabama native and Evangelistic Christian decided he was going to bring the word of Jesus Christ to the natives of the Andaman Islands off the coast of Indian. These natives have had a zero-tolerance of outsiders ever since the 1800s, when a British occupation almost wiped them out through disease. India also forbid anyone going to that island, to both protect the natives from any diseases that foreigners might bring and the foreigners from the violence the natives would bring. Mr. Chau believed Jesus told him to ignore the laws prohibiting him from visiting this island and the natives’ own wishes against visitors. Chau bribed some local fisherman to ferry him to the off-limits island so he could offer the native tribe gifts of scissors, a soccer ball, and ever lasting life through Jesus. Chau kayaked from the fisherman’s boat to the island where he was met with a flight of arrows from the tribesmen. Mr. Chau’s body has never been recovered. It seems the natives weren’t soccer fans and the erstwhile missionary might have had better luck if he’d brought a baseball or basketball. Or, this is just a wild guess in the dark, maybe Mr. Chau should have respected the natives’ wishes and left them alone. Just spitballing here.

There are a few planets out there that are the same way. And yet, there is still the occasional Zapperzotian who tries to go there to spread the word of Primus One, only to end up being vaporized as soon as they enter the atmosphere. Share this post to have a Zapperzotian visit Earth to tell you about Primus One.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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