March 31, 2000

On March 31, 2000 the apocalyptic Catholic cult, “The Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God of Uganda cashed in all their chips. The cult leaders (Credonia Mwerinde, Joseph Kibweteere, Joseph Kasapurari, John Kamagara, and Dominic Kataribabo) bet the house that the world would end on December 31, 1999 and all their good little cultists could avoid the foretold eternal damnation. How you ask? By following the leaders’ strict instructions, which included really obeying the Ten Commandments. No. REALLY obeying the Ten Commandments, such as not talking unless it was absolutely necessary. You couldn’t bear false witness if you don’t talk. Also, sex was forbidden. No sex, no adultery. The followers had to fast regularly and they weren’t allowed to use soap. Apparently God loves you more when you are stinky. But back to March 31, 2000. That’s was when the leaders of the cult murdered over 900 followers through poisonings and arson. Why? Because the world didn’t end on December 31, 1999 and the leaders were too embarrassed to answer the obvious questions that had to be popping up. Such as “Why didn’t the world end? And if the Millerites got it wrong in 1843-1844, why did Credonia Mwerinde and Joseph Kibweteere of “The Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God” think they had got it right? They didn’t and they obviously got tired of Karen asking that damn question. So, the leaders killed everybody. This was not the first time, or the second time, or the third time that a religious cult killed everybody because they got the time of the Apocalypse wrong. It will happen again. Remember when a cult killed themselves because they thought a spaceship was hiding in the tail of a comet and was going to pick up their souls and take them to Star Trek heaven? Yep, crazy comes in all forms, but religious crazy is the deadliest kind.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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