March 15, 2002

On March 15, 2002, Burger King did the unthinkable in the United States. It began selling a veggie burger. It did exactly what you think it would. It didn’t sell. People who went to Burger King for the Whopper and instead tried the veggie burger said it tasted like what you’d feed the burger and vegetarians didn’t go to Burger King anyway. Vegetarians, with their stunted taste buds, think that all non-meat substitutes taste like meat anyway, so their opinions couldn’t be trusted. The Veggie Whopper Burger died a quiet death. Oh, the only thing that would make the Veggie Whopper palatable, cheese, Vegans refuse to eat. Vegans, the subclass of Vegetarians that make Vegetarians seem reasonable.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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