June 8, 1998

Posted on June 8, 2014 by Joel Byers

On This Date in TWISTED-HISTORY.com! in 1998 the National Rifle Association elected Charlton Heston to be its president. Their reasoning was that if God loved him enough to have him play Moses and then forgive him for kissing a black woman in a movie and then approve his to kicking the ass of an entire planet filled with angry monkeys, he was the man for the job. When he tried to explain to the NRA’s electorate that he was an actor and that he had been paid to play those roles, the electorate began to look uncomfortable and started mumblings and casting angry looks his way and he heard angry whispers of “He kissed a black woman? What’s next, is he going to tell us Reagan was an actor?” Quickly realizing his predicament, Heston grabbed one of the rifles off the stage, ripped his shirt off and shouted as he held the weapon above his head, “MY GOD! I KICKED AN ENTIRE PLANET’S WORTH OF MONKEY ASS AND I CAN WHIP ANY LIBERAL ON THIS PLANET!” He quickly passed his first test as NRA President and the rest was ‘history”.

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About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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