July 28, 1996

On THIS DAY IN HISTORY in 1996 – Kennewick Man, the remains of a prehistoric man, was discovered near Kennewick, Washington. He was found in the remains of a prehistoric car that appeared to be foot-pedaled and that had ancient stone beer-cans strewn along the floorboard. Washington state patrolman, Sgt. Ian Walkerstein, after studying the site where the body was found, determined that the prehistoric man was apparently driving while intoxicated, drove off the rode, and struck a wooly mammoth, killing both. When asked how he knew that the prehistoric man had struck a wooly mammoth, Sgt. Walkerstein said that strongest piece of evidence that supported his findings were that the vehicle was still lodged in the mammoth’s mummified remains. He also stated that if he was able to locate the dead man’s driver’s license, he’d probably have to cite him for DWUI, failure to wear a seatbelt, and hunting mammoths without the proper license. When asked why he’d do all that, Sgt. Walkerstein said that failure to know the law, or even have the applicable law exist at the time, is no excuse not to obey it, even if it was enacted 9,000 years later.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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