July 26, 1908

Posted on July 26, 2019 by Joel Byers

On July 26, 1908, under the orders of President Theodore Roosevelt, trusted friend and white magician, US Attorney General Charles J. Bonaparte created the Bureau of Investigation, which later evolved into the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Mr. Bonaparte, while American born and educated, was the great-nephew of Napoleon Bonaparte I. It was from Napoleon that he inherited his secretive magical talents. It was under the tutelage of Charles Bonaparte that the Bureau of Investigation was able to uncover and defeat the infiltration of Homo Sasquatchius in the New England population and drove them to settle in Quebec and the southern American Appalachians. Charles Bonaparte died in 1921 at the age of 70 after losing a magical duel with his mortal enemy Alistar Crowley. Crowley was able to curse him with a deadly case of the ‘Saint Vitas Dance’, which caused Bonaparte’s heart to explode from the exertion.

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About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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One Response to July 26, 1908

  1. Armchair Skeptic says:
    July 27, 2019 at 5:49 am

    No offense, but I sometimes think these things aren’t entirely historically accurate.

    This one, for example, just feels a little bit… fantastical to me. My limited online research (while I was waiting for my pizza rolls to heat up) did support your version, more or less, but I’m still doubtful it really went down exactly that way.

    I’m not accusing you of anything. YET. But I’ve got my eye on you.

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