July 24, 1977

On THIS DAY IN HISTORY! in 1977 the Libyan-Egyptian Four Day War came to an sputtering end. The War started because Libyan leader Mommar Gaddafi was jealous that all the hot Israeli chicks were hanging out in Cairo with Anwar Sadat and refused to party with him, even after he’d spent his oil money allowance to buy a Lincoln Versailles with the Ultra-Option Cassette Player/8-Track dashboard attachment so he could rock to David Soul’s ‘Don’t Give Up On Us.’

On July 20th, Muammar Ghaddafi decided he’d had enough and he drove over to Cairo with his bros Iran and Afghanistan and found Sadat at his neighborhood pool, kicking back with his buds Syria, Jordan, and Iraq, drinking hot tea (alcohol is illegal in Muslim Countries) and smoking the hookah with a bunch of hot hootielicious English and American bimbos. Khaddafi was so pissed to see Sadat surrounded by girls he jumped out of his tricked up Versailles and slapped the hookah out of Sadat’s mouth and yelled, “It’s ON! You greedy girl-hording gypsy!” Which made Sadat mad and he pointed his finger at Mhommar and said, “Oh yeah, it is on, you camel-humping butt jockey. And by the way, we’re Muslim, we’re supposed to collect girls, it’s called a harem, stupid!”

Sadat and Kadafy then began the first stage of the schoolyard brawl (Terry Lisowski Rules, e.g. 1957), which is where they slowly circled each other, being extra carefully to stay out of each others reach as they taunted each other, “You go first, you’re the pig. No, YOU go first since I’m only allowed to hit women after they first try to hit me. No, YOU wanted to fight so you go first, etc.” This is maintained for a good 120 seconds where they then glance at their friends and say, “Bros, you had better hold me back before I kill this bacon eating, beer swilling effeminate American wanna-be! – (in fact, this is exactly what each was saying as they looked at their posses, Muslims are not known for their quick thinking insulting abilities).

Unfortunately for both of them, Afghanistan and Jordan knew the Lisowski Rules and both were huge smart-asses and they wanted to see anyone fight, as long as it wasn’t either of them, so they said, “Dudes, stop talking and start fighting, the girls are starting to think you’re both pussies.” That was the goad that panicked Khaddaffi and he slapped Sadat in the nose, which if you ever saw Sadat’s nose you’d know just how ridiculously easy that was. This really pissed Sadat off and he was quoted as saying “Oh no you didn’t!” and he slapped Ghaedaeffi’s face, really, really hard. The smaller man’s eyes bugged out and he was about to shout something when Sadat picked him up and body slammed him straight into the pool. Since this now involved swimming, and neither one was adept at it (being desert dwellers and avoiding the Nile because of the man-eating crocodiles), their friends had to drag them out of the water. After they had coughed up the liters of water that they had swallowed during the earliest stages of drowning, they were able to start yelling and screaming Jihad! Jihad! Jihad! at each other and thus began the Four Day War.

Sadat stomped Gaddafhi’s ass over the next four days, killing 400 Libyans and with only 100 Egyptian casualties. Libya also had 60 tanks, 40 armored personnel carriers and 21 planes destroyed, which really pissed the French off, since Libya was still paying on the planes. Ghadaffy found himself hiding in one of his underground bunkers wondering what exactly he had bitten off with Egypt. Sadat had only lost 6 planes (which were paid off) and no tanks destroyed and was gloating and trying to decide if he was going to give Gaddaphi a swirly or just shave his nappy head when the President of Algeria came by for a visit. President Houari Boumendiene said that the other Muslim countries believed that Muammar Gaddafi had been taught enough of a lesson and that Sadat should agree to a cease-fire with his next door neighbor, as the Israelis and Americans were laughing at the Muslim world and their inability to play nice with each other. Sadat thought about the slap that Sadat got in and also thought about all that crude oil under the Libyan desert and was about to refuse when Boumendiene said in his dad-voice “ALL the other Muslim countries think you should make-nice and to not even think about how much oil is under Libya.”

Sadat took the hint graciously and made nice, but every time after that when the Muslim countries would have a Cotillion, Gaddafi always avoided Sadat. Always.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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