July 23, 1992

On THIS DAY IN HISTORY! in 1992, Abkhazia declared independence from Georgia and became a disputed free state. On August 1, 1992, the mayors of Toccoa, Dublin, and Columbus, Georgia wrote a letter to inform the Georgian governor, Zell Miller, that since Abkhazia was seceding, they were going to secede also. Zell Miller sent state patrolman to round up the misbehaving mayors and brought them to the state capitol for a “get right with Jesus” meeting. Zell Miller’s oratory skills reached their pinnacle of positivelutiness on that date as he was quoted as saying, “You nargaleetinuss parstagiling pug-stuggers! You high-falooting mugtuggling shug-buggelers! Ooooooooooooooooo! I want you to shut up shutting up! Now, Abkhazia was a part of SOVIET Georgia, which is all the ways across the Atlantic, you long eared mountain goats! And as such, they are Co-MUUUUU-nist, you three no good bush whacking barracudas! And unless you three are some no good, rather be RED than dead Commies, you three ain’t seceding from my state, ya hear me! Now get those flea-bitten carcasses off’en my real estate, ya long-eared galoots!” And with that, the attempted secession of Toccoa, Dublin, and Columbus from the state of Georgia came to a quiet, but ignoble end.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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