July 14, 1960

On THIS DAY IN HISTORY! On July 14, 1960 – Jane Goodall arrived at the Gombe Stream Reserve in present-day Tanzania and began her famous study of chimpanzees in the wild. The native chimpanzees were understandably upset at the feared gentrification of their habitat. When Chim-Chim, the dominant male was interviewed by Clive Tressler of BBC Channel 4, he said “oook, AHHHHHHH!! ukAHHHHHH! Soooooo CAAA!” Which translated to “I can’t believe the nerve of these English intellectuals insisting that we native African species have to be studied in our natural habitat. If she is so interested in studying sub-human behavior, why doesn’t she spend an evening at an East End pub on Friday and Saturday night. AND SHE DIDN’T EVEN BRING A TRANQUILIZER GUN?! All the cheetahs and lions and water buffaloes on the Serengeti are bragging how ‘THEIR’ scientists were considerate enough to bring and ‘SHARE’ a little something to take the edge off a hard day foraging, especially around 5:30ish. But not old ‘Teetotaler Puritan Jane’, she just sits behind her camouflaged blind and takes notes and speaks into her recorder and camera and pretends that we don’t see her, but we do, oh yes, we do.” Or it could have been translated to, “I’m Chim-Chim, I’m a pretty monkey, Canz I has cookie?!”

When Chim-Chim was queried about the feared gentrification, he pointed to several trees and asked (as translated by Wingzome Truntgutler, animal physic), “Where is the proposed Starbucks that should be there, where is the Harrod’s, where’s the Harvey Nichols?” When it was explained to Chim-Chim that the British people thought that the chimpanzees were against gentrification, Chim-Chim kicked Clive Tressler in his twig and berries and screamed in his face (which Wingzome translated), “DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FORAGE OUT HERE! WE WANT SOME OF THAT EASY TO SCORE BRITISH FOOD!” or it could have just as easily have been, “I SMELLS COOKIE ON YOU! GIVES ME COOKIE!” When CHIM-CHIM was asked what a Starbucks was, he promptly pooed in his hand, threw it at the camera crew and stormed off.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
This entry was posted in 20th Century, Historical Facts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.