On December 24, 1818, the alignment of the stars was perfect and “Silent Night” was performed for the first time at St Nicholas parish church in Oberndorf, Austria. Father Joseph Mohr brought his poem “Stille Nacht”, which he’d written two years earlier. Unbeknownst to most people, the earliest version of Silent Night was an ode to the Dread Lord Cthulhu and how he would descend upon the earth and devour the entire human population, not even leaving enough to start a slave colony. When Franz Gruber, the great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of Hans Gruber, was asked to write music to Mohr’s malefic ode to the Great Destroyer of Worlds, he said it wouldn’t really play well in Peoria for the kinders and Großmutters. Mohr complained about their lack of vision, but immediately changed the poem into what we now know as “Silent Night”. On a side note, Franz Gruber wasn’t able to use the organ at the church to compose the melody to help summon Cthulhu, as Hastur had learned a couple of months before December 24, about Mohr’s plan to summon his nemesis, Cthulhu. Hastur thought to himself “Wen rufst du an?” and immediately thought of alchemist Ephraim Spengler. Spengler was able to divert a flood toward the church, which damaged the pipes of the demonic organ. Gruber wrote the music anyway and Father Mohr was reduced to playing and performing the song on his guitar during the evening Mass at St Nicholas parish. Cthulhu was not summoned and people actually enjoyed the music.
While most experts agree that the song in its current form is no longer capable of summoning Cthulhu, they do warn against playing it backwards, "just in case". Share this post, if you ever played a record backwards, hoping to hear a hidden message. Bonus points if you actually heard one.