August 20, 1985

On THIS DAY IN TWISTED-HISTORY in 1985, Hanspeter Beck of South Australia completed a 3,875 mile, 51 day trip from the tip of Western Australia to the east coast of Australia and ended up in Melborne. The entire trip was made riding on a unicycle. When asked why a unicycle, he laughed and said, “Oi mate, two wheels would just confuse me and I need my spare gobbin brain cells for drinking.” He started his grand bike-a-bout on July 1st with the ceremonial beer thrown at him by his wife, Sheila, and with her shouting the traditional Australian wife’s blessing, “Don’t yer come home drunk yer bastard! And remember to pick up some bread and milk and crisps*!” Hanspeter stated that during his trip, it was the kindness of the Australian people who kept him going; that and the beer they kept him well lubricated as well as the knowledge that his beautiful, 20 stone wife Sheila was waiting for him back home to fetch some milk and bread and crisps, 51 days late and 3,875 miles away. When asked when he was going to turn around and go home to his wife and six kids, he said there was no hurry, he’d thought he’d do a walk-about and see the sights of Melbourne for a bit. When he did return home three years, four months and six days later, Sheila asked about the bread and milk and crisps. He shrugged and said he must have left them in Melborne and she promptly shot him.

*Crisps is the British term for potato chips. Why do they call them crisps? Because they have to feel superior about something I guess. You know it’s not the cooking or dental hygiene.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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