December 2, 1823

On December 2, 1823, the President of the United States, James Monroe, outlined his doctrine that opposed European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. This became known as the Monroe Doctrine. The leaders of the indigenous people of the Western Hemisphere said Monroe’s doctrine had some really good points, but it was late by about three hundred years.

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December 1, 1959

On December 1, 1959, 12 countries, including the United States and the USSR, signed a treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would be free from military activity. This treaty does not give aliens the right to snatch up earthlings and conduct body experiments on them. It also does not pay aliens to set up laser turrets on the Great Ice Wall to shoot any unauthorized people from approaching it. Last and not least, this treaty does not secretly recognize the penguins of the Antarctic as the Rulers of the Icy Wastes.

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November 30, 1487

On November 30, 1487, Germany enacted the first German Beer Purity Law in Munich by Albert IV, Duke of Bavaria. He stated that beer should be brewed only from water, malt and hops. This prove so popular that in the 1930s and 1940s, Germany tried to enact human purity laws, which did not prove as popular with the rest of the world. Too far Germany, too far.

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November 29, 1961

On November 29, 1961, Enos, an American chimpanzee was launched into space by NASA. He was the third hominid and first chimpanzee to achieve Earth orbit. The first two hominids were Soviet astronauts Yuri Gagarin and Gherman Titov. The Americans said Enos proved to be a better astronaut since he wouldn’t sneak vodka on board the rocket and if he hugged and kissed you, it was cute, and not creepy like when Yuri did it.

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November 28, 1967

On November 28, 1967, British Cambridge University postgraduate Jocelyn Bell Burnell and her supervisor Antony Hewish detected the first radio pulsars. Proving once again that a woman’s hearing is significantly better than most men’s. In fact, it was said that Burnell’s hearing was so refined and acute that she could hear a fly fart and call wet or dry.

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November 27, 1973

On November 27, 1973, the US Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as the Vice President after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew. This was the first time that a Vice President was not elected. In the past, if a Vice President had to assume the duties of President or they resigned or died in office, the position would be left vacant until the next election. This has happened more often than the average person would think it would. The Vice President has had to assume the duties of President nine times because of death or resignation. In addition, the person serving as Vice President has also died seven times while in office and has resigned twice. In all but the last two of those instances, the position of Vice President was left vacant until the next election.

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November 26, 1977

On November 26, 1977, Britain’s Southern Television was hijacked for 6 minutes starting at 5:12 PM. An entity claiming to be Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command gave a voice message to the people of Earth warning them of a possible, yet unnamed disaster, that they could avoid. The viewers in England were confused and called the BBC demanding what was happening. The BBC said it was obviously a hoax as they had already called Vrillon at America’s Area 51. He claimed that his space number had been cloned and that it was space telemarketers trying to sell the Earthlings an extended warranty on their planet. He said to just hang up next time they called.

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November 25, 1988

On November 25, 1988 American Chess Master William John Donaldson and Soviet Chess Master Elena Akhmilovskaya shocked the Chess world by marrying at the Chess Olympiad in Thessaloniki, Greece, and immediately eloped to the United States. They divorced approximately one year later after she was approved for residency. Usually when Soviet athletes would run to Americans for asylum Pre-Soviet collapse, they were gold medal winners from sports like gymnastics or one of the winter ones where you ski and then shoot at stuff. But chess? It was good to learn that the brain-aletes were also interested in jumping the border.

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November 24, 1993

On November 24, 1993, the citizens of the Ukraine proved that the United States did not have a monopoly on crazy religious people. The White Brotherhood, a cult led by Maria Devi Khrystos and her husband Yuriy Kryvonohoy, proclaimed that the world was going to end on November 24, 1993 and that they would have a mass suicide event by their followers, which some believed numbered over 100,000 people. The authorities stepped in days before November 24 and arrested both Maria and her husband Yuriy and the mass suicide didn’t happen. To the disappointment of their followers, November 25 rolled around like nothing was happening and the world didn’t end. You’d think the White Brotherhood would have taken lessons from the Millerites in the 1840s and not have been so confident in their prediction.

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November 23, 1998

On November 23, 1998, former NBA star Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from model and TV personality Carmen Electra. The two had been married in Las Vegas on November 14, 1998. It was later discovered that Rodman, a rogue reptilian from the Alpha Draconis star system had married Carmen Electra without first obtaining the permission from his immediate reptilian supervisor, John Travolta, and was forced to cancel the marriage. Carmen Electra was quoted as saying, “It’s okay. It’s for the best. We were in Vegas and partying and I was drunk and he was drunk. Also, I didn’t know that I would need to buy one of those giant-sized heating lamps to keep his body temperature up at night. Those things really suck up the electricity.”

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