February 10, 2009

On February 10, 2009, two communication satellites collided over Siberia. The American Iridium 33 was in its assigned lane driving the speed limit, when the derelict Russian Kosmos-2251 came barreling over the horizon. It tried to pass on the right when it clipped the American satellite, causing both to crash and burn. It is believed vodka was involved. So, please, remember ‘Don’t orbit and drink even if you’re a soviet satellite.’

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February 9, 1950

On February 9, 1950, US Senator and historic douchebag, Joseph McCarthy charged that the State Department was riddled, just RIDDLED with Communists. McCarthy claimed that there were Communists under his bed. There were Communists spying on his head. He said there were Communists in the news and that Communists were singing the blues. He said don’t look now, but that’s a Communists milking your cow. He said we all need to be aware, since Communists were hiding everywhere. This was the start of McCarthyism. A time when Americans acted like cowards and called it ‘Patriotism’.

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February 8, 1960

On February 8, 1960, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom issued an Order-In-Council, whereby she and her family would be known as the House of Windsor and that her descendants would take the name “Mountbatten-Windsor”. When Jim Bob Wheeler of Scottsboro, Alabama heard about this he immediately issued his own Order-In-Council at the Scottsboro Elk Club. He stated that henceforth he’d be known as James Robert Wheeler and his progeny would take the name of Wheeler-Badassicus. His friends just looked at him and said, “Nope. We’re still going to call you Booger.”

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February 7, 1569

On February 7, 1569, King Phillip II of Spain formed the Inquisition in South America. The South Americans weren’t expecting it. Yes. This joke’s been used before. It will be used again. Don’t tell me you didn’t expected it.

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Site Update

Site Update

The web site should now be functioning correctly, and posts will resume as normal.

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Technical Difficulties

Technical Difficulties

We are still experiencing technical difficulties. As a result, the site may behave erratically at times, and may go up and down sporadically.

We are working to resolve the problems as soon as possible, and apologize for the inconvenience.

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February 6, 2019

On February 6, 2019, Quadriga, Canada’s biggest cryptocurrency exchange shut down. It had over $145 million in bitcoin assets that its customers could not access. The reason why? Because Quadriga’s founder, Gerald William Cotten had died under mysterious circumstances in 2018 while visiting India, and he was the only person with the passcodes to access the accounts. It’s thought by the people who lost the $145 million that Cotten wasn’t dead. They believed he faked his death in India, purchased a corpse while there, and had that corpse buried in his place. They believe Cotten has assumed a new identity and is now living off of the $145 million he has stolen. There is currently a request from the law firm representing the people who lost the $145 million to exhume Cotten’s body to confirm his identity and verify what killed him. If he’s not really dead, this would make a great movie. Even if he is dead, it would still make a great movie.

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February 5, 1777

On February 5, 1777, Georgia became the first US state to abolish the entail and primogeniture system of inheritance. What is entail and primogeniture? It’s where the first born or eldest surviving son is the only legal inheritor of his father’s land. The state of Georgia said, no, if there is no will, then the estate is split evenly among the heirs. Later, daughters and wives were added.

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February 4, 1972

On February 4, 1972, racist Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina sent a memo to John Mitchell, the Attorney General of the United States that demanded that musician John Lennon be deported. Why? Because the anti-Nixon movement was in full swing and Strom Thurmond thought that if he could force a public figure like Lennon out of the country, the other people in the movement would disband because of the fear of what the government could do to them. The Attorney General was not willing to force the issue with Lennon and Thurmond’s actions later came back to bite him in the butt. South Carolina continued to elect him, but his power on a national level sank and he was never able to regain it.

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February 3, 1913

On February 3, 1913, the 16th Amendment to the US Constitution was ratified. It authorized the federal government to impose and collect income taxes from individuals and business entities. So, when a sovereign citizen or any other nutjob conspiracy theorist tries to claim that the constitution doesn’t allow the federal government to impose or collect income taxes, just show them the 16th Amendment.

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