November 29, 1961

On November 29, 1961, Enos, an American chimpanzee was launched into space by NASA. He was the third hominid and first chimpanzee to achieve Earth orbit. The first two hominids were Soviet astronauts Yuri Gagarin and Gherman Titov. The Americans said Enos proved to be a better astronaut since he wouldn’t sneak vodka on board the rocket and if he hugged and kissed you, it was cute, and not creepy like when Yuri did it.

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November 28, 1967

On November 28, 1967, British Cambridge University postgraduate Jocelyn Bell Burnell and her supervisor Antony Hewish detected the first radio pulsars. Proving once again that a woman’s hearing is significantly better than most men’s. In fact, it was said that Burnell’s hearing was so refined and acute that she could hear a fly fart and call wet or dry.

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November 27, 1973

On November 27, 1973, the US Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as the Vice President after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew. This was the first time that a Vice President was not elected. In the past, if a Vice President had to assume the duties of President or they resigned or died in office, the position would be left vacant until the next election. This has happened more often than the average person would think it would. The Vice President has had to assume the duties of President nine times because of death or resignation. In addition, the person serving as Vice President has also died seven times while in office and has resigned twice. In all but the last two of those instances, the position of Vice President was left vacant until the next election.

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November 26, 1977

On November 26, 1977, Britain’s Southern Television was hijacked for 6 minutes starting at 5:12 PM. An entity claiming to be Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command gave a voice message to the people of Earth warning them of a possible, yet unnamed disaster, that they could avoid. The viewers in England were confused and called the BBC demanding what was happening. The BBC said it was obviously a hoax as they had already called Vrillon at America’s Area 51. He claimed that his space number had been cloned and that it was space telemarketers trying to sell the Earthlings an extended warranty on their planet. He said to just hang up next time they called.

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November 25, 1988

On November 25, 1988 American Chess Master William John Donaldson and Soviet Chess Master Elena Akhmilovskaya shocked the Chess world by marrying at the Chess Olympiad in Thessaloniki, Greece, and immediately eloped to the United States. They divorced approximately one year later after she was approved for residency. Usually when Soviet athletes would run to Americans for asylum Pre-Soviet collapse, they were gold medal winners from sports like gymnastics or one of the winter ones where you ski and then shoot at stuff. But chess? It was good to learn that the brain-aletes were also interested in jumping the border.

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November 24, 1993

On November 24, 1993, the citizens of the Ukraine proved that the United States did not have a monopoly on crazy religious people. The White Brotherhood, a cult led by Maria Devi Khrystos and her husband Yuriy Kryvonohoy, proclaimed that the world was going to end on November 24, 1993 and that they would have a mass suicide event by their followers, which some believed numbered over 100,000 people. The authorities stepped in days before November 24 and arrested both Maria and her husband Yuriy and the mass suicide didn’t happen. To the disappointment of their followers, November 25 rolled around like nothing was happening and the world didn’t end. You’d think the White Brotherhood would have taken lessons from the Millerites in the 1840s and not have been so confident in their prediction.

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November 23, 1998

On November 23, 1998, former NBA star Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from model and TV personality Carmen Electra. The two had been married in Las Vegas on November 14, 1998. It was later discovered that Rodman, a rogue reptilian from the Alpha Draconis star system had married Carmen Electra without first obtaining the permission from his immediate reptilian supervisor, John Travolta, and was forced to cancel the marriage. Carmen Electra was quoted as saying, “It’s okay. It’s for the best. We were in Vegas and partying and I was drunk and he was drunk. Also, I didn’t know that I would need to buy one of those giant-sized heating lamps to keep his body temperature up at night. Those things really suck up the electricity.”

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November 22, 2013

On November 22, 2013, the discovery of the fossils of Siats Meekerorum was announced, the 30 foot long dinosaur predator was found in eastern Utah. Disciples of Helena Blavatsky say that this discovery proves that the Lemurians and other dinosauroid nations in the distance past were also involved in an arms race that lead to their eventual downfall. The breeding and creating of larger and stronger predators that they would ride into battle proved their downfall as the larger predators turned against their masters and ate them into extinction. Ken Ham disputes this theory and said don’t quote me on this, but the Lemurians and dinosaurs were all killed in the Great Deluge because God didn’t want their evil, magical ways inferring with his plan for humankind.

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November 21, 1953

On November 21, 1953, the British Museum revealed that the 40-year-long hoax of the Piltdown Man was officially ended. The Museum stated that the Piltdown Man was a “perfectly executed and carefully prepared fraud” that was conceived, planned and executed between 1907 and 1911. The fake hominid skull was constructed from the following; the remains of a recent human cranium which had thickened through disease, half the lower jaw of an orangutan which had been altered to resemble a human’s, and a doctored canine tooth. When the Museum was confronted with the possibility that the Piltdown Man was fraudulent, it brought in experts and investigated. When the investigation proved that the artifact was fraudulent, the Museum published the findings. This is in stark contrast to what happens when a religious artifact is suspected of being fraudulent, like the Shroud of Turin or all the separate Holy Prepuce’s in various shrines around the world. The faithful and leadership of the religions close ranks and forbids the examination and testing of the artifacts. Scientists on the other hand, say, “Here it is. Prove me wrong,” whether they want to or not.

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November 20, 1980

On November 20, 1980, on Jefferson Island in the middle of Lake Pigneur, Louisiana, Texaco oil company had one of the biggest ‘oh shit’ moments in history. One of their oil rigs unknowingly pierced the top of the salt dome under the island looking for oil. That little prick started a chain reaction that quickly drained the freshwater lake by creating an apocalyptic whirlpool that sucked down everything it could grab, including the oil rig that started the trouble, eleven barges, a tugboat and 65 acres of forest. But all 30 people on the oil rig escaped with their lives. Also, Lake Pigneur went from a 10 foot deep freshwater lake to a 1,300 foot deep saltwater lake. Don’t you wish you could have been there when the men from that oil rig called their supervisor at Texaco and had to explain what happened?

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