October 25, 2017

On October 25, 2017, in Kuala Sanglang, a small coastal village in northern Malaysia, a spiritual magician’s trick went horribly, horribly wrong. The 68 year-old, Mr. Lim Ba, professionally known as ‘Black Dog’, was performing his signature magic trick, when something went wrong. Mr. Ba sat down in his giant stainless steel wok that was filled with rice, took the lotus position while his ‘assistants’ placed sweet corn and vegetarian buns around him. Why did he do this? He was going to be ‘steamed’ in the wok along with the rice and his side dishes. Apparently he’d been performing this human steaming trick for more than a decade over the protests of his family. On this fateful day, the observers watched as the giant stainless steel lid was placed over Mr. Ba and a fire was lit under the wok. Within 30 minutes, something went wrong as Mr. Ba’s foodie devotees heard frantic knocking from within the wok. It was too early for the rice to be done, as it needed another 30 to 40 minutes of steaming. The lid was quickly raised and an unconscious magician was found sitting in the bed of rice with steam billowing around him. Mr. Ba was found with major second-degree burns, but that didn’t kill him. It was the heart attack that did him in. His family wasn’t surprised, as they expected it to happen sooner. But I have one question. The vegetarian buns that were cooked along with Mr. Lim Ba, could they really be considered vegetarian after everything they went through and were Mr. Ba’s devotees just one step away from cannibalism?

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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