March 29, 2017

On March 29, 2017, a man’s body was found inside a 7 meter (23 foot) long reticulated python in Sulawesi, Indonesia. The villagers of the area noticed that Akbar (no last name given) had been missing for 24 hours and they found the python (no last name given) sluggish and sleepy in the area where Akbar was last seen. The python (no last name given) claimed it didn’t know how Akbar ended up inside its stomach, but it did say that Akbar (no last name given) was acting depressed and non-responsive the last time it talked to him. The reticulated python (no last name given) did suggest a theory. It claimed that Akbar the Depressed must have drugged it and then crawled down its throat to commit suicide. The snake (no last name given) said that if it had been a depressed Akbar, that’s the way it would have wanted to go. Akbar’s neighbors cut the python apart, over its protests, and buried it at the local landfill.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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