January 5, 2010

On January 5, 2010 the medical professionals at Southampton General Hospital in Hampshire, England encountered a medical emergency they’d never experienced before. A fourtyish year-old man was brought into the emergency room with his penis stuck into a stainless-steel pipe. The unnamed man refused to explain how his penis got stuck into the pipe and the medics stopped asking as they had a job to do – save the penis. Unable to extract the man’s member with lube and several vigorous minutes of tugging, the doctors theorized that the metal pipe was restricting the blood flow and if something drastic wasn’t done soon, they might lose the penis. The medical professionals did the only thing they could, they called the Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service. The fire crew turned up with a special equipment unit from St Mary’s station in Southampton and seven firefighters to help, in what a spokesman understatedly described as a ‘delicate operation’. The firefighters used a four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the unnamed man’s penis. The penis, subsequently named Steve, was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day. Watch Manager Greg Garrett from the Redbridge Fire Station said, “I’ve only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter. It’s not a daily occurrence.” Did you get that? The firefighter had ‘ONLY’ seen this kind of emergency three or four times in the last 17 years. My fellow men can be awfully weird. Are they just standing around at home and happen to spy a metal pipe and go, that looks like my penis can fit in that, let’s try it. Do you want an evil half-human metal automaton that goes on a murderous rampage? Because that’s how you get an evil half-human metal automaton that goes on a murderous rampage.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
This entry was posted in 21st Century, Historical Facts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *