January 1, 404 AD

Posted on January 1, 2014 by Joel Byers

On This Date in TWISTED-HISTORY.com! in 404 AD, the last gladiator competition was held in Rome. As the gladiators became more and more expensive to train and maintain, the lanistas refused to allow their money-makers to be put to death during the fights and started requiring the fights to be used with blunted weapons. The last gladiator games were held with feather pillows to the disgust of the attending patrons and quietly died away. When the patrons asked why they couldn’t throw any Christians to the lions just to get the horrible spectacle of naked, burly men hitting each other with pillows out of their mind’s eye, they were quietly informed that the Roman Empire was now the Holy Roman Empire, a Christian Empire, and that sort of thing was frowned upon now. The unhappy crowd quickly rounded up some old, unattractive women to burn them alive as a protest against the way the gladiator games had evolved. Church officials quickly turned up to stop the burning, but when one of the people in the crowd shouted, “Whut? We can’t even burn old bitches now?” the church thought he shouted “Old Witches” and gave the crowd its blessing.

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About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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