February 14, 2018

On February 14, 2018, on the day of Global Love, an unnamed 19-year-old German man died because of love. His love of winning an argument. He and his girlfriend were walking along the Havel River on December 19, 2017 and were arguing, as couples sometimes do. But the unnamed male grew angry because he was losing the argument and pushed his girlfriend into the 36-degree water and jumped in after her. Not to save her, but to push her under, again and again. Unfortunate for him, his girlfriend could swim and he couldn’t and swam to the shore and safety. He didn’t because he never learned to swim and the cold water pulled him under. The water police pulled his unconscious body out and transported him to Charite Virchow Clinic in Berlin, where he lapsed into a coma. The Germans being big believers in following the rule of law did issue a warrant for his arrest for “attempted homicide for low motives”. On February 14, 2018, the angry young man died. The young woman recovered fully and was luckily spared a future of abuse. Remember, if you’re an up-and-coming psychopath and future mass murderer, never try to drown someone in freezing cold water when they know how to swim and you don’t.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
This entry was posted in 21st Century, Historical Facts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *