March 14, 1979

On March 14, 1979, the United States Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. They arrived at this conclusion by deducing that the natural condition of man was to go from happy and carefree to burdened with the knowledge that he is responsible for the preparation of the next generation. The Bible showed that with the story of Adam and Eve. At first they are carefree and living the good life in the Garden of Eden, then they get a little knowledge and self-awareness, and everything goes to shit in a second and their landlord kicks them out. They’ve got kids, and bills, and no time to party and they’re working 60 hour weeks just to pay the bills. The Census Bureau said it is a no-win situation. They said that all college graduates just need to pick the first person who doesn’t make them vomit in the morning, get married, and start the long, slow process to their eventual death at age 74. In 1979, the Census Bureau was staffed by 40 to 50 year-old married men and women with teenagers and mortgages.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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