January 20, 1982

On January 20, 1982, Heavy Metal Rock God, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a dead bat while giving a concert in Des Moines, Iowa. The deceased, rancid corpse of the rodent was tossed on the stage during the concert, and the drugged up Crowned Prince of Dark Metal snatched it up and chewed off its head. Some of the concert goers closer to the stage later claimed that they heard Ozzy slur the word, ‘braaaaiiins’ before chowing down, but it being Ozzy, he could have been slurring anything. He could have even said, “Shhhaaaaarrrooooon,” and nobody would have really known. He was subsequently rushed to a nearby hospital and given injections for rabies. No one is sure if Ozzy mutated into a zombie afterwards or if it was just his previous drug use that caused his physical transmutation.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.
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4 Responses to January 20, 1982

  1. Drunk Commenter says:

    I’m glad they do casual friday atmy work insted of cold firday! right??? U hate works thoough so I though I say why, here we go. Top 10 reason twisting historie is better than work!

    10. I can’t drunk at work. That sux, if anyplace need to be drunk its work!
    9. I have to work. Twists hitsory wouldnt be as fun if had t o work. lol
    8. I have to wear pants. Enen they call it casual friday don’t mean you can no pants! I learn that hthe hard way. If I don’t wear pants with twisteds history they just kick me out starbucks.
    7. I hate traffic drives to work. Internet is way easyer.
    8. Annoying cooworkers are annying. Only thing annoy about twist ed history is when he go too long and dont do it!
    5. They wont let me drunk! Work not be as bad if with booze byt they dont.
    4. Work isn’t funny. Twisting history cracks me up! and not just drunk!
    3. Twistedh huistory is interesting. Even made up some is true and real histrory but more interesting with funnny. Not work!
    2. I gets paycheck. No wait! Thats one way work is better than twist historry. unless you want start pay me to read funnt LOL!
    1. NO BOOZE. How lame is that? What kind job wont let me drinl? I hate that. I rests my case!

  2. Joel Byers says:

    I need to make a T-Shirt with this on it. Top Ten reasons why Twisted-History is better than work, by the Drunk Commentater. I’ll give you booze for an hour? WHat’ll yooze say?

  3. Griff Connington, Esquire says:

    We should team up to make merch for your site!

    With your talent for twisting history and my talent for making money off other people’s ideas, we could turn this thing into a real gold mine. Call my office to work out the details, so we can get started milking all that sweet merchandise for everything it’s worth!

    Yours truly,
    Griff Connington, Esquire

  4. Drunk Commenter says:

    Hey, Mr. Twisty Histry! You better b carefull make offer like that. You dont know how mucgh booze I can drink in hour. Hint, is a LOT! lol

    I take you up on up on your offer through. Brinf on the boooze!

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