May 28, 2012

On This Date in TWISTED-HISTORY.com! in 2012 West Virginia pastor Mark Wolford died from a snake he was handling in a church service, just like his father did years earlier. God spoke moments later and said, “Okay, you idiots. These snakes are venomous and if irritated, they will bite the shit out of you. Your faith in me doesn’t keep them from biting or killing you. If you continue to mishandle them in your paganistic services that have nothing to do with me or the Bible, they will continue to bite and kill you. Not because I want them to, but because it’s what snakes do if you pull them from their natural habitat and play with them because you have an infatuation with an animal shaped like a long penis. Are you people sure you’re not gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but have you thought this through completely? Maybe you should start playing with elephants instead, at least they’re mammals.” But nobody was listening as God was making too much sense and it was West Virginia.

About Joel Byers

Born in North Georgia and educated at some very fine public institutions. Real education started after graduating from college and then getting married and raising two boys. Has the ability to see the funny and absurd in most things and will always remark on it, even if it means getting the stink-eye from his victims.

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2 Responses to May 28, 2012

  1. Bob says:

    God will never say that.

  2. Joel Byers says:

    Of course she will, she says it all the time. Or of course he will, he says it all the time. Or of course it will, it says it all the time.

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